“When you arrive at the destination, never forget where the journey began.” The journey to Japan was truly an escape. From my marriage. There, I said it. It's out.
Now, let me explain. As I've said, I had never lived by myself until I lived in Japan. It was a freedom I'd never experienced before. My husband stayed the night with me in Chicago, the day before I left for Japan. There were meetings to attend that day and then we were all shuttled to the airport the next morning. Now, my husband has always been more dependent than I have. Because of the time his ex-girlfriend (girlfriend at the time) had cheated on him when they went long-distance, he has had difficulties with me being by myself for long periods of time. That morning, he stood on one side of the hotel room entryway with the door open, and I on the other. For a few moments we just looked at each other and then we lunged in for an all-encompassing, passion-filled hug. I surprise myself by crying--I am not a crier. He eventually broke the hug and said I love you before quickly turning and walking down the hotel hallway. I was shocked at the brevity, but understood that it needed to happen. I stood at the window then, and walked him forcefully stride to the car where he pounded his fist against the hood as he walked to the driver's side. He entered the car and closed the door. He sat for a while, then slammed his hand against the steering wheel. I felt bad for him. Here I was, leaving to go on the adventure of my dreams, and he had to be left behind because he didn't want to move to Japan. He had a good job and was looking forward to being the bread-winner. He didn't want to give that up. Eventually, he looked up through the windshield and I waved to him. He waved back. After a few more long minutes, he drove away. A strange sadness filled me and caused me to cry again. Why was I crying? I'm going to Japan in a few hours. I should be happy! But I had found out just how much I loved the man I married, and now I was leaving the country--moving away from him for a year. Yes, he did come for the month of February, and--yes--I did return for a week in April to the U.S., but mainly, we were apart. When I was in Japan, living my dreams, I didn't miss him. I wanted him there with me, sure, but I had thought multiple times that I would be perfectly happy without him, if I could live in Japan. But as the months wore on, I realized I could never live in Japan forever--I had made a promise to the man I loved that I would return after a year away. And I kept that promise. Did I resent him? Yes. Was it frustrating? Of course. But what is marriage but compromising. No one can have all of what they want. My husband cannot turn our house into a "prepper" house (think apocalypse preparation--rations, guns, etc.). And I cannot live in Japan. But I am willing to garden and can and shoot guns (because that's fun), and he is willing to save up enough money each year from his pay checks to pay for us to go to Japan each year, if that is what I want. Seriously, who else knows of a spouse that is willing to shell out a couple thousand dollars of their hard-earned money each year to go to a country that their other partner loves? I sure don't know any. Which is why I love my husband even more. He is a great man, one full of courage (going to a foreign land where he doesn't speak the language as well as letting me travel to a foreign land for a year) and love for me. I will forever be trying to love him back and thank him for his sacrifices.
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Myself
Video blogger and now a blogger as well. My life in Japan has changed me for the better. However, it wasn't easy... Archives
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